So You Want to Find a Job: 6 Tips

Some say that looking for a job is the hardest job you will ever have. This is a myth; working the coal mines of Harlan County is the hardest job you will ever have. I’ve been conducting extensive research in the field to help guide you toward being a productive, tax-paying, pillar of the community.

1. Impulsively quit the job you already have, even if it’s perfectly good, you like 90% of your co-workers, and you have your own office with a door. It’s clearly stifling your creative potential.

2. The internet has made the job hunt so much easier. Now you can instantly submit your resume with the press of a button, along with four thousand and fifty ambitious young candidates.

3. Try to find a job as a politician, so you can vote to give yourself a raise. These jobs are listed under the “government” section of craigslist.

4. Avoid responding to any ads from Harlan County, even if they promise the potential to work from home, making hundreds of dollars a week just by sending email!!! It’s a trap.

5. If you’re the humanitarian type, you cand find a rewarding career by getting an advanced degree in social work and eventually earning $12 an hour. Don’t worry about paying back your student loans. Karma will take care of it.

6. Try to marry a rich old man. This can work for men too, especially the kind of men who wax their ass cheeks.

If you still can’t find a job, you can live on love. Love will feed you and put gas in your car and pick up feminine hygeine products from Walgreen’s. If you can’t find love, listen to country music.

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Filed under Capitalism, Work

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